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Bollywood SMS / Text Messages


Best and refined collection of Bollywood Sms And Jokes, Bollywood Gosseps, Bollywood Greetings, Bollywood Comedy.

taray zameen pay
10-02-2010
Posted by ToSi From Peshawar [ 03147077007 ]


After
the
resounding
success
of
the
Indian
Block
Buster
film
"TARAY ZAMEEN PAY"
we
Pakistanis
present

>




>


>



>

>

"AATA AASMAN PAY".!!

[  Characters : 177 | Sms Length : 2  | Views : 1251 ]
bipasha basu
10-02-2010
Posted by ToSi From Peshawar [ 03147077007 ]


May God increase ur happiness like prices of petrol, and decrease sorrows like clothes of Bipasha Basu.

[  Characters : 103 | Sms Length : 1  | Views : 2155 ]
if guru dutt was a software co
10-02-2010
Posted by ToSi From Peshawar [ 03147077007 ]


Yeh document, yeh meetings, yeh features ki duniya
Yeh insaan ke dushman, cursors ki duniya
Yeh deadlines ke bhooke, management ki duniya
Yeh product agar ban bhi jaaye to kya hai?

Yahaan ek khilona hai programmer ki hasti
Yeh basti hai murda bug-fixers ki basti
Yahaan par to raises hai, inflation se sasti
Yeh review agar ho bhi jaaye to kya hai?

Har ek keyboard ghayal, har ek login pyaasi
Excel mein uljhan, winword mein udaasi
Yeh office hai ya aalame microsoft ki
Yeh release agar ho bhi jaaye to kya hai?

Jalaa do ise, phoonk do yeh monitor
Mere saamne se hataa do yeh modem
Tumahaara hai tumhi sambhaalo ye computer
Yeh product agar chal bhi jaaye to kya hai?"

[  Characters : 706 | Sms Length : 5  | Views : 1127 ]
yeh duniya agar mil bhi jayaye
10-02-2010
Posted by ToSi From Peshawar [ 03147077007 ]


If Guru Dutt had been a software consultant in the US.
(The following should be sung to the tune of an old Hindi classic song sung by late Mohammed Rafi. "Yeh Duniya agar mil bhi jayaye to kya hai...")
YEH DOCUMENT, YEH MEETINGS, YEH FEATURES KI DUNIYA
YEH INSAAN KE DUSHMAN, CURSORS KI DUNIYA
YEH DEADLINES KE BHOOKE, MANAGEMENT KI DUNIYA
YEH PRODUCT AGAR BAN BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?
YAHAAN EK KHILONA HAI PROGRAMMER KI HASTI
YEH BASTI HAI MURDA BUG-FIXERS KI BASTI
YAHAAN PAR TO RAISES HAI, INFLATION SE SASTI
YEH REVIEW AGAR HO BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?
HAR EK KEYBOARD GHAYAL, HAR EK LOGIN PYAASI
EXCEL MEIN ULJHAN, WINWORD MEIN UDAASI
YEH OFFICE HAI YA AALAME MICROSOFT KI
YEH RELEASE AGAR HO BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?
JALAA DO ISE, PHOONK DO YEH MONITOR
MERE SAAMNE SE HATAA DO YEH MODEM
TUMAHAARA HAI TUMHI SAMBHAALO YE COMPUTER
YEH PRODUCT AGAR CHAL BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?

[  Characters : 887 | Sms Length : 6  | Views : 1066 ]
indian film stars and their an
10-02-2010
Posted by ToSi From Peshawar [ 03147077007 ]


Amitabh - Han han mein chor hun, mein bazar mein kaladhandha karta hun,
police ke record mein mera naam hai. Lekin mein akela nahin hun. Jao pahle
ush admi ko msg de kar aao jisne mera baap ko chor kaha tha: Jao pahle ush
admi ko msg de kar aao jisne meri maa ko gali deke naukri se nikal diya
tha: jao pahle ush aadmi ko msg de kar aao jisne mere haath me yeh likh
diya tha: Uske BAAD, Uske baad mere bhai tum jab chahoge tab mere m/c
mein msg de dena.

Dharmendra - Kutte Kaminey, Agar tuune apni maa ki doodh piya hai to
message chodde, warana mein tujhe jinda nahin chodunga.

AJIT's voicemail - Sari duniya mujhe white LION ke naamse janti hai,
jabtak tum messages chhodoge hum bharat se bahut dur ja chuke honge,
robert helicopter chalu karo !!

Ajit : "Smart move". Phone kiya aapne baaahot aaachha kiya Apka nam chod
dijiye aur Mona apka phone louta degi ! Please Hiron ki aawaj sunte hi
record karna !

Shatru : jis haram-zade ne call kiya hain ... mein us haram-zade ko zinda
nahi chodunga... jaan se maar dunga

Shatru - AAahoy ! Ye Chenu ka answering m/c hai ! Seedhi taraha se message
chhod de warna mai teri haddi pasli ek kardunga, ! haaa

Shatru - Apne Mangal ko phone kiya hai, koi phate hue tash ke tirpanve
patte ko nahin ! Nam chod dena Ham patta khud jaan lenge !

Raj Kumar : Jaani. Shisheke gharome rahane wale pathar nahi pheka
karate.Tum pathar mat pheko message chodo. Hum jara jaldi me hai.

Jaani yeh answering machine koi bacchon ka khel nahi. hum ko mita sake woh
tumahre msg mein dum nahi.... hum se hain ye m/c .. m/c se hum nahi....

Pran - PATHAN ki ansering m/c.... HUM tereku bola msg chod de warna hum
pathan ka baccha tumara tangdi tod dega

Prem chopra - hum woh hain jo shishe ko patthar se katate hain.... aaapke
msg ki iit ka jawab patthar se denge.... BTW: Mera Naam hai Pre'm, He he
Pre'm Chopra

KESTO - Ihhhiyaa ! saale message Chhod ! nahi to Batli de !! Ihhhiyaa!
Jaldi kar HICH ! Apun ko janeka hai Ihhhiyaa ! ! hick! aay . hick! ye
ansering hick! machine hick! msg ..

Asrani - AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAA ! Phone kiya ! Tune phone kiya RRRRREEEEEE!
Message rakh ! AAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAA !

Asrani -- adhe log 1 press karo.. adhe log 2 press karo... baki msg
rakho.hum angrezon ke zamane ke jailar hain hA HAAAAAAA.. msg angrezimein
rakho.. HA HAAAAAAA

BINDU - Mera nam hai shabnam, pyar se log mujhe SHABBO kehate
hai...Tumhara naan kya hai !! Tina Mina, Anju, Manju Yaaa Madhuuu.

Shakti - aaauu lalita, Message chhod deee ! warna teri maa ki jaaan
....Aaaauu lalita !! mera naam Balma... badriparsad lalanparsad
malapani... balma..Pyarasa... Nanhasa.. Chotasa ....Balmaa. Aur mere kane
Chaku hai?

Jeevan - Ooouuum ! Kya bandar ki tarah msg chodta hai tum ! Kya is m/c me
koi ladki hai kyaaa !

Mehmood - Kya bula tu. Mereku kya bola tu. Seedhi tarah se message
rakhaneko bola ... Aur tum muh pe kuphal daal kai baithta kya

Mehmood2 - ayyo dyevi . tum kitna khoobsoorat msg chchodta ji.. Aum yakdam
pagal O jata ji, Aiyo Wanga, Ider Aana, ayyo BinduSSS

Gabbar - soovar ke bachcho . main ghar mein nahi hu. ab tera kya hoga re
kalia? raat ko jab tej tej phone ki ghanti bajti hai to maa kehti hai msg
chchod beta varna gabbar nahi sunega ... Yaad rahe Yaha se 50 50 mil ki
doori par jab koi baccha rota hai to maa kahati hai "beta so ja nahi to
gabbar singh ka voice mail Bolega...."

Basanti -yun ki hume jaada bukbuk karne ki aadat to hai nahi . agar mere
liye msg hai to 1 dabana. agar mausi ke liye hai to 2 dabana . agar veeru
ke liye hai to dono dabana . yun ki hume lamba msg rakhne ki aadat to hai
nahi... agar mere liye msg hai...to 1 dabana.......

[  Characters : 3696 | Sms Length : 24  | Views : 1139 ]
keshtos fever
10-02-2010
Posted by ToSi From Peshawar [ 03147077007 ]


Keshto Mukherjee's wife calls the doctor, stating that her husband has taken ill. The doctor asks if she had taken his temperature she replied that she hadn't but would and then call back.
When she hadn't called within a half hour, the doctor called and asked what had happened. She said 'Well, I didn't have a thermometer, so I put a barometer on his chest and it said dry, so I gave him a pint and he went off to work!'

[  Characters : 424 | Sms Length : 3  | Views : 1172 ]
top ten reasons why the movie
10-02-2010
Posted by ToSi From Peshawar [ 03147077007 ]


Top ten reasons why the movie "Bombay" should be banned in Bombay:

10. The Hero and Heroine fall in love without first having a fight
9. The Hero doesn't sing "mere pyaari behana" to his sister, neither
does she get raped nor does she get married off to some goon who ill
treats her.
8. The Hero actually asks the Heroine to elope with him instead of
confronting her father and finally winning him over.
7. The Hero's bachelor friends at work do not get to come home and enjoy a
meal cooked by the newly wed bride, with one of them ogling at her
with evil intentions.
6. Since the Hero and Heroine get married very early in the movie, they
should have known that something was going to go wrong and should have
taken due care.
5. The movie is called "Bombay" but we don't get to see even one overflowing
electric train. (It is like Ice station Zebra with no Zebras around)
4. Hero/Heroine do not have enough friends or relatives for a final group
shot.
3. The Hero's children are ignorant about religion because the director
forgets to include a scene where the Hero or Hero's father has a table
with a Bible, a Koran and a Bhagwad Gita.
2. The Heroine forgets to teach her children the family re-unification song,
when seperated we see the kids helpless not knowing what to do unlike
their more well bred counterparts from other films.
and

1. "Rabert! Agar aam janta, marra marri karne lage, tho humme kaise
phillummo me chance millega"

[  Characters : 1530 | Sms Length : 10  | Views : 998 ]
titanic in bollywood lollywoo
10-02-2010
Posted by ToSi From Peshawar [ 03147077007 ]


Have you ever wondered what would be in "Titanic" if the same was made
in Bollywood?

The name of the movie would be "Goa to Bombay". Well here it goes!

* Madhuri has to be Rose and who else but Shahrukh as JJJJJ JJJ
Jack.Madhuri's fiance would be Gulshan Grover who mutters "bad man"
everytime he sees Shahrukh.

* Amitabh Bacchan would make a guest appearance as the Ship's captain
and would be waltzing with Madhuri during the party. Of course, he would
not
die.

* Shahrukh will be travelling with his sister and 5 other chamchas from
college plus 50 extras who are well trained with every dance sequence in
the world.

* The movie would only last for 7 hours. Thanks to great piece of
editing,there would be only 22 songs in the movie out of 30 in CD album.

* The ship would be overflowing with extras whom you normally find in
movies that have a court scene full of people or a slum full of aam-janta.
The ship will start sinking, not because of the iceberg but because of
excessive on-board population.

* The infamous lovemaking in the back seat of the car would be replaced
with
a song in the Swiss Alps.

* Best friend of Shahrukh will save his sister from being raped during
chaos.The sister will instantly fall in love right after this and she will
also get a song or two.

* Remember Rose changing her mind about jumping into the water? In our
case,Madhuri changes her mind, since...since... the ship is moving along a
creek and the water stinks!

* How can we forget the painting scene? Shahrukh would be painting
Madhuri's portrait with Madhuri fully covered minus the locket (Censors
yaar!).
This is to be followed by a dance number, with extras of course, in a
art
gallery.

* Shahrukh would eventually find his long lost mom Aasoo Devi on the
ship.Only during the climax would Aasoo Devi tell Shahrukh about how
Gulshan troubled them. Shahrukh would then yell, "Kutte mein tera khoon
peejaaoonga". The ensuing fight would only last for an hour.

* There would be an antakshari for the "drowners" conducted by Annu
Kapoor instead of the trio playing the violin.

* Most important!! The number of times the word "Bachaoooo"
would be yelled would be a record in the history of cinema.And the
masterpiece would be waste of time...ooops waste of money without...

* "Raaaabert...Captain se ja ke kaho ke agar apni maa or bahen ko zinda
dekhnachahte ho to naav ko Hindustaan kee sarhado se hamesha hamesha ke
liye bahoootdoor le le."

[  Characters : 2757 | Sms Length : 18  | Views : 1013 ]
tihar jail
10-02-2010
Posted by ToSi From Peshawar [ 03147077007 ]


Tihar Jail ordered 999 shirts and 1000 pants for its inmates.


Wondering why this odd combination ?


!!!!!!!
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!!!!!!!
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Salman khan is coming .......

[  Characters : 436 | Sms Length : 3  | Views : 1159 ]
the great mithun da
10-02-2010
Posted by ToSi From Peshawar [ 03147077007 ]


Recently the father of physics made a visit to earth to watch a movie. He watched a few Indian movies and had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

In the movie of Mithun chakravarthy Newton dada was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes:


1) Mithunda has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be
cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, Our great Mithunda is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured. Long Live Mithunda

2) In one of the movies, Mithunda is confronted with 2 gangsters.
Mithunda has a Gun but unfortunately only one bullet. Guess, what he does.......
He holds a knife in his hand and shoots the bullet towards the knife.
The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces and kills both the gangsters. Then,
Mithunda utters the following dialogue

"Apun ka naam hai HIRA, Apun ne sabko Chiraa".

3) Mithunda is chased by a gangster. Mithunda has a revolvver but he got no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Mithunda opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bulletc ompartment and fires his gun. Bang... And the gangster dies....

4) The heroine is tied to an electric chair and the remote is in the hands of the villain about 100 km away. As usual, the villain confronts the hero saying "Hathiyar phek do warna main yeh remote ka button dabake tumhari
mehbooba ko mar doonga".

The usual fight occurs and just as the hero makes the final blow, the
villain dies but not before he presses than damn button. Now what to do?

Sure enough, there is a horse and the hero jumps on it. Now there is a race: The current in the cable connected to the electric chair is moving fast but our hero and his horse are desparately trying tocatch up.... goes on for a few km and just as the current would hit the chair, the hero jumps from the horse and picks the girl away from the chain and husssshhhh. She is saved . The poor electric current only goes to an empty chair. Climax, taaalian. Hero! Hero!! Hero!!!


This was too much for our Newton to take and he was completely shaken and he decided to go back. But he happened to see a Rajnikanth movie for one last time and thought that atleast one movie will follow his theory of physics.

The whole movies goes fine and newton is happy that all in the world hasnt changed. Oops not so fast. The climax finally arrives.Rajni gets to know that the villian is on the the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajni can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajni has to desparalety kill the villian because its the climax Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible)..


Rajni suddenly pulls two guns from his pocket (Probably a backup). He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached the height of the wall ,he shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air, with his second gun. Now the first gun fires off and the villian is dead.

[  Characters : 3339 | Sms Length : 21  | Views : 1173 ]

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